One Year Postpartum
13-months postpartum. I wanted to do a one-year update, but I've just honestly been at a loss for words. I'm not feeling overly excited or accomplished, but I should give myself more credit (something my therapist said often).
13-Month Stats:
Still breastfeeding (one nightly feeding).
I'm carrying an extra 20 pounds from pregnancy (the scale hasn't moved since Nov/Dec, that's a pro and con. Is my scale broken?).
I've been eating healthier (more nutritious, veggie-filled, and intuitive) and doing more rigorous exercise since January. It’s hard not to see results, at least on the scale. I’ve gained a little more muscle definition. I feel stronger and have increased my endurance.
Sometimes (or some angles) I still think I look 4 or 5 months pregnant (that's definitely my biggest insecurity).
Sleeping more and better quality of sleep since birth.
My mental health has improved so much in the last 9-12 months, I’m leaps and bounds from where I was. I’m finally at a more manageable place since the end of the fourth trimester.
Enjoying mothering more and more the older my baby gets.
I hate to admit this, but my extra weight is overshadowing all my other wins. Usually, the big achievement is losing the baby weight. I haven't. I know everyone is different, for some it takes 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, or never. For most, that is one thing that helps us mamas feel like we are ourselves again, when “We've reclaimed our bodies!”.
It can feel or look like I’ve changed for the “worse”. Body changes can feel like the negative side to motherhood. It’s difficult to love and appreciate your body when you miss how it was. The weight gain bothers me more than I wish it did.
Of course, I’m older than when I had my first, my body is different and this whole journey has been different than my first birth. Life looks different, nothing is the exact same, so I can't expect the same journey as before.
I don’t want this to be a thing I’m caught up with. And it’s not just about the way I look, it’s about health and being and feeling my best. I’m determined to reach a healthier weight. I want to prove to myself I can do this. I lost the weight after my first, and this time feels impossible. I think that’s why this is so hard for me.
Even if (when!) I reach my weight loss goal, or another milestone, that's not the end. There is no endpoint. We are constantly growing and changing. That is always the challenge. We don't magically exit postpartum or done with body changes at any time. As a human, intellectually and physically, I will continue to change and grow for the rest of my life. My body will never stay the same. My body has ebbed and flowed over the years. Historically, I’ve had a pretty good body image, but like every woman on this planet, of course I’ve had my insecurities. I’ve always been confident though, that has come more easily to me, and I just don’t feel confident right now.
I'm working on appreciating where I am now and being comfortable in my skin NOW. But it’s hard! More than anything, I’m going to make sure it doesn’t define and consume me. Life is too short. I am allowed to not like my body right now. Sometimes, I feel all this pressure to love it no matter what. But you know what, I don’t like it right now! I’m not in love with my body. There, I said it.
I really didn’t want this to be all about my weight. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Postpartum isn’t and shouldn’t be all about the way we look. It’s about our overall health and well-being (physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually). And I’ve made so much progress in all other areas! I know I am so much more than what I look like, but it’s hard when I miss my body before pregnancy (I actually lost like five pounds at the beginning of the pandemic, aka right before I got pregnant). Whether it’s good or bad, the weight is on my mind and bothering me, and I guess I needed to let it out share it.
I refuse to get caught up in the negative thinking, so I’m focusing on believing I can, the small goals/wins and staying consistent with healthy choices! My mottos:
Small progress is still progress.
Consistency is key.
The small habits add up and compound over time. This goes for all aspects of life: my health, business, and family goals. There are no instant results and gratification. I must keep going, keep showing up, and trust I’ll eventually see results. All good things take time.
-Margo Game Brandenburg